Memories

I can't remember what my sons hugs felt like.......

Salt In the Wounds

Sunday was terrible. I never got to talk to my son. My daughter did call though and I was happy getting to talk to  her, but it also felt hollow...she seemed so distant but said nothing was wrong. The call lasted about 2 minutes and then she was off. Her dad took her ability to communicate with me away, we used to be able to text and now she's not allowed because she didn't clean enough. I can't help but feel awful. So too me Sunday was salt in my open wounds ... there's this burning feeling in my chest when I wake up, it stays throughout the day as a dull ache and just before my head hits the pillow the pain intensifies until I block it out long enough to fall asleep. I hold onto the thought that one day I'll be able to hold both my kiddos again.

Some Days

Today is harder than most. It's the week before mother's day, I'm a wreck on the inside. I miss my kids....I miss the messiness of my son and the way his face used to light up when I would come home after having only been gone a short while. I miss the sound of my daughters voice and her giggle while she played with her baby brother. I feel like that life almost never happened it seems so long ago.... I'm no closer to seeing them. I hate money. My heart is killing me.