The letter that changed my life.........

I received this yesterday from my daughter......... My heart hurts beyond belief and I have no one to blame- but myself.


dear mom-


 I have had a lot of feelings about a lot of things you do and I don't understand. why do you make promises and don't keep them?why do you never keep in touch or call when you say? I don't want to have to go through what I'm going through. How come I always have to be the one to come visit you. It would be nice if you came to visit me. To be honest I can't trust you on everything you tell me. It seems like you can't keep a kid, you didn't get me or nate. I'm not trying to hurt your feelings, I just needed to tell you that.

The inevitable..

My son is 5, he'll be six this year. Where did the time go? They are babies for what feels like an eternity and next thing you know you blink and they're in kindergarten. I've been having to go through my ex's fiance in order to talk to my son, for whatever my ex never can get him phone, but as soon as I ask his chic my son will talk to me every time. Makes me wonder...

Anyway, today I asked my usual question- would my boy like to talk and she said sure so I called him from work... As soon as he gets on the phone he says his usual hello and I ask how he's doing and what he's up too and I make sure to tell him he's loved very much and after all that is said he says "MOM- WHY DID YOU LEAVE ME?"...."ME: (dead silent and tears pouring down my face)...Because I had too (worst answer ever)".."My son: BUT I DIDN'T WANT YOU TO LEAVE MOM..."....I had no words for my son except that I was sorry and I would try to see him again soon....meanwhile I'm hyperventilating at work because there is no way to describe the sheer pain that is ripping through my chest at his words.... I knew they would come one day, I just had no idea it would be today..........